Not my typical blog post

My brain is feeling a bit scrambled today, so this post might be all over the place and get a little wonky in the process.

Some things have been said to me by several people over the course of the last few weeks and I wanted to take a few minutes to write this down.  First, adoption is not for everyone.  I get that!  I know that in this blog I tend to focus mostly on the positive things that have happened throughout this process.  There are a few reasons for this, but the main one is that Alex is 16 years old, has access to this blog and I have no intention of bringing up some of the harder struggles we have *all* had because that would be an invasion of her privacy.  So for anyone who is considering adoption, especially an international adoption of a teenager, please do not use the words that I have used here on this blog as any indication of what the entire process looks like!  This blog is a snapshot.  And everyone knows you only show other people the very best photos you have...not the crappy ones where you aren't smiling, your hair is a mess and you have a huge mustard stain down the front of your white shirt.  In my opinion, Alex is pretty amazing!  But...that doesn't mean that she doesn't have struggles and moments of breaking down.  Same goes for me!  I wasn't a perfect parent to my two birth children before Alex came around, and I'm certainly not a perfect parent now.  On the flip side of that coin, I'm also not a terrible parent and adopting Alex has NEVER in any way, shape or form caused me to be a bad parent for my two younger kids.  My husband and I did not adopt Alex as any favor to her.  We didn't do it because we felt sorry for her, couldn't stand the thought of her being on her own in less than a year or even "just because" we love her.  We adopted her on paper because she was ALREADY our daughter in every other way that matters.  She IS our daughter in every sense of the word.  My two other kids aren't my "own" children while Alex is just someone we added to the family.  I have THREE of MY OWN CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!  And if we were to adopt again, it would be for the same reasons.  We can't afford to just go around adopting kids because it's the nice thing to do.  So if you are reading this blog and haven't been through this process but perhaps assume that adopting is the "nice" thing to do, please let me make something very clear:  All of the people I know who have adopted (and through the wonderful world of Blogger, I know quite a few!) did NOT adopt out of the kindness of their heart.  They didn't adopt because they are saints on a mission to "save" children.  The children they adopted or are in the process of adopting aren't "lucky" children who won a family at a carnival game.  Families who adopt are simply FAMILIES!!!  So please don't label me as "nice" simply because I happen to have a daughter that was adopted.  And while I'm on the topic of labels, I'm also not crazy or stupid because I adopted.  And I wouldn't be nice, crazy or stupid if my husband and I chose to adopt again.

Moving on...I am a Christian.  I believe Jesus Christ, the Son of God, lived his life as a model for all of us and then sacrificed himself so that we can have eternal life if we accept it.  I don't consider myself "spiritual" or even "religious".  I consider myself a Christian.  A follower of Christ.  I do sometimes talk about how blessed I am.  But I'm not "in your face" about it.  So I am putting it out there that, yes...Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.  'nuf said.

If you are thinking about building your family through adoption because it's easy, you need to reconsider.  It isn't easy.  It is beautiful.  It is joyful.  It is eye-opening.  It is life-changing.  It is NOT easy.  If it were easy, there would be no more orphans.  If you are someone who thinks people who adopt are crazy and just can't understand it, then you should think about the fact that you don't actually *need* to understand why people adopt.  You just need to accept it.  If you can't accept it, then at the very least, don't judge it!  When families adopt they DO think about how it will impact their lives.  They  DO think about how much more money it will take to add another child, or two or three or MORE to their families.  They DO think about the changes they will need to make and how those changes might impact other members/children in their family.  Sometimes things turn out just the way they imagined it.  Sometimes things go horribly wrong.  I can't say that every person who has ever adopted has thought out every single aspect of how an adoption might turn out, but I think it's pretty safe to say that nobody goes into it blindly.

*wheh*  I know this came out of virtually nowhere.  I am truly NOT trying to offend anyone, or make anyone feel bad because they don't understand the "why's" of our adoption and the choices we make.  Between some of the things that have been said to me and the things that have been said to friends of mine who have also adopted I just couldn't contain myself anymore.  If you feel like I am addressing some of the things you have said to me, well...I probably am.  Is this post because of *one* person's comments/concerns?  No.  Are these things I should have said face to face?  Probably.  But I chose to write it out instead because I *know* I am not the only person out there facing these issues.

If you are considering adopting a teenage girl from Ukraine and would like more information or to pick my brain about the process just let me know!  I won't post the nitty gritty details here, but I would be more than happy to answer any (legitimate) questions you have.

I didn't write this post because things are going badly with Alex.  Alex is doing great!  She is struggling a bit with school work now and I have a conference scheduled with some of her teachers in the morning.  She is really loving her two dance classes and is hoping to try out for the school dance team in a few weeks.  Trying out for the dance team is contingent upon grades, so hopefully she will be able to try out.  This Sunday in church the kids from the student ministries are supposed to dress up in '80s clothing.  I found a fluorescent tank top to go under a '80s-ish top.  I'm trying to find leg warmers, but have struck out so far.

end rant


   

   













     

So far, so good

The kids have been in school two weeks now.  Alex is doing well in her classes.  She is having her first math quiz today so hopefully that goes well.  She has two math classes this year, but the second class is a support class for her Algebra class.  She seems to be a tiny bit behind and may need to take advantage of the lunchtime tutoring that is offered at her school.  She gave her first verbal presentation in Health class yesterday and received 100% on that.  She is also receiving 100% in American Lit., although I believe that is just a "participation" grade so far.  Even though she hasn't received an academic grade in that class yet I am still incredibly proud of her because I know she is participating in the class and not sitting in the back row trying to blend into the wall.  She really likes her Food & Nutrition class and was the only student to receive 100% on their first project.  None of her other classes have entered grades in the online system yet, so I am not sure what marks she has received.  What I do know is that she comes home happy every day and sits right down to start homework.  I know that the classes will start to get harder the further into the school year she gets, but she has really hit the ground running and I am just soooooooo proud of her!!!  I think she will do well in school this year.  Math and perhaps science might be difficult, but she *really* wants to do well and tries so hard.

She said that the school, which is only in it's second year, is starting a dance team.  She doesn't have any information on it yet, but in her mind it is a dance team that goes on competitions, similar to what she did in Ukraine.  I tried to explain to her that it was more likely a dance team that performs at half time during football and basketball games.  She doesn't understand that many schools have cheerleading squads and dance squads and that they do different things.  Hopefully she can bring home a flier with actual information on it instead of just  reporting what she's "heard".

In other news, Alex is taking two dance classes this year.  She knows that she has to keep her grades up to be able to continue taking them.  She also wants to try out for the spring soccer league as well as the dance team that I mentioned earlier.  I'm not sure she's going to be able to do it all, but I think it's very important that she has something that is just hers and that she loves.  Her girls Bible study starts in September and she is excited about that.  She has been a bike riding maniac these last few weeks and has thrown in some sprint running as well.  I really wish I could keep up with her!

Is it bad that I am already counting down the weeks until their Fall Break?  It's five more weeks in case you were wondering.  :)  

First Day of School

I remember when Alex had her first day of American school back in March.  When I asked her how it went, she said "terrible".  Yesterday was her first day of High School.  When I asked her how it went, she said "not too bad".  Hey, I'll take it!  She went to her last class of the day, American Literature (English), and realized she had been placed in an 11th grade class!  Oops.  So, she had to have her entire schedule re-done.  She has the same classes and teachers, just at different times.

She received more information from her teachers yesterday about what supplies she would need for each class, so off to Wal-Mart we went to stock up on binders, folders, composition notebooks and loose leaf paper.  She spent about 30 minutes picking out what designs she wanted for everything.  Then we saw an end cap filled with Christian themed supplies.  She quickly ditched everything she had just picked out and selected binders, folders, notebooks and a pencil pouch with very cool graphics and Bible verses/themes.  As we were leaving the store she was talking about how much she liked her new supplies and she didn't care what the other kids at school might say to her about it.  She said she knew some kids didn't believe in God or Jesus and would say she wasn't "cool", but it didn't bother her because she knew the truth.  Have I ever mentioned what an amazing young woman Alex is?

Here she is with *most* of her school supplies.
Her backpack weighed *a lot*!

 

Here is a link to the company that produced the Christian themed school supplies:  Dayspring